Urban lifts

When I was younger I always wished that there was a chair lift that went from my school to town, then we could get our lunch without walking. Even better if their were street vendors beside it handing out your food. To anyone that knows Kirkby Lonsdale, you will know that it is probably less than quarter of a mile from school to town, but at the time that was valuable smoking time, and we had to fit in the lunch time viewing of Neighbors, so we could envy Karl Kennedy's love life and discuss who was fitter, Lyn Scully or Susan Kennedy... blatantly Susan.

I always thought that an urban chair lift would be the best way of seeing a city by far. You're up high, you can see everyone looking like ants and you can fly right past things like the clock of Big Ben, even fly over the spires the Sagrada Familia. The only problem would be when you needed to go for a whiz... well the problem would be for the guy it lands on anyway.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Job Centre Randomiser

If anyone, like me, has not only stepped into a Job Centre but also had to go through the trauma of actually signing on too, then you will understand that free money is fricking awsome!! Unfortunately unless you're Devo or have any ambition at all then you can't stay on the doll forever.

When I was down there, they told me to pick three jobs that I was qualified to do. For some reason there was no jobs going for art director. Funny that. The system must have broke or something. I ended up picking bin man, motor way road layer and art worker. I was lying, I was not qualified to do any of these and I even told the lady, but she said it was fine. This meant that there were people doing jobs all over the country that did not actually know how to do them properly. So I thought to myself, if you do not have any clear career path in life or you just fancy a change, then why not just leave it up to fate and hit the Job Centre randomise button. Problem solved, and if you get bored just hit it again and swap with someone that has just hit it at the same time.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Share Crisps

Whenever your down the pub having a cheeky pint, there is nothing better than a crunchy pack of cheese and onion crisps to go with it. The only problem is when you're at the pub with friends, because then, however much you want to just scoff the whole lot down, you are sucked into the annoying, unwritten rule of sharing crisps with whoever is there. Damn English politeness. Anyway, a lot of people actually do like to share crisps in the pub. So below is an idea to make it easier to open them out, instead of biting the packet and choking on tiny bits of plastic.

Imagine the red tabs you get to open biscuits, it is one of those on a crisp packet.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Hover wheel chair

Recently my girlfriend expressed her true blondness, when she thought it would be a great idea to attempt a leap frog over a bollard down Clapham high street. NOT a very clever thing to do when you have 3 inch wedges on and you've just necked a bottle of wine. As she flew through the air, the wind blowing through her hair she had no idea that she was about to snap her tibia and fibula clean through, now sporting a brand new titanium rod with added screws.

This has led to a life of frustration and moving back in with the parents over the last four weeks. "You live and learn" I keep saying to her, but the response is always a kick to the nads with her good leg. Everyday she has to face obstacles such as slippy pavements, stairs and curbs while getting to the pub. So I have pieced together what can only be called the Hoverchair. An invention that will carry any differently abled person through all realms of life. It might need a bit of work on the modeling and building side if there are any takers.

Here are a few more that could work:

1. The Boring

2. The Wheel & Drive

3. The Bat Mobile

4. The Right Trousers

5. The Riser

6. The Royal

7. The Getaway

8. The Monster

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.