The Skipping No-Rope

When my "friend" Luke left me in Thailand about 4 years ago so he could go back and see his girlfriend that he missed so very much (...gay), I was left wondering what to do. The first idea I had was to go and live like a monk for a few days, and although the white gowns were pretty cool, and I love the whole being at one with human nature thing they've got going on, it was the 5 o'clock starts, stiff backs and life leading to a future with no sex, drugs or drum 'n' bass when I realised I should make a move. Plus, for a religion that believes possessions only lead to emotional distress, and you adhere to needs rather than wants, I was quite sceptical of the whole set up when I saw the size of the high monks pure jade healing beads.

I ventured on, lost in a world that was full of people doing the same as everyone else, elephant ride in the north, full moon party in the south, pretty much as Richard from the beach describes it, well... exactly like that actually. So I found myself in a Mauy Thai boxing training camp, in a village outside of Chaing Mai, surrounded by a load of 10 year old kids that didn't speak English and if they didn't like me could beat the crap out of me if they wanted. I decide to stay, but my funds were running low and the cost of rent was going to exceed my 50p a day budget, so after a bit of persuading I managed to wangle a bed on the boxing ring floor with the rest of the boxers. Mmmmmmm sweat and blood.

I had a good lay in compared with my ex-roomies and got up at a much more reasonable 6am. Instead of being greeted by 3 hours of sitting still trying not to let any thoughts fly into your monkey brain, I was confronted with a 10km run. Unfortunately I managed to sleep through it 3 days in a row, and hung around waiting for the kids to get back from their school day and begin their 3 hours of training. Having only been to one Judo lesson, where they tried to teach me how to fall properly and I ended up flapping around like a drowning wizard that's put his robe on back to front, I was a bit of laughing stock in the camp.

The shear force behind a 10 year old's kick is pretty scary, and after 3 days of being laughed at I resigned to the fact that I was never going to be the Mauy Thai boxing champion of the world, which was annoying because I had already resigned to the fact that I was never going to make it as a multi million pound football player that summer ... damn you Rooney for making us realise just how old we were.

All the intense training and memories came back to me just a minute ago while I was waiting for my mince pie to cook. I began jigging about and 'half' kicking the air cos my inflexibility and unwillingness to ever try and touch my toes was over coming my ability to round house kick someones head off (obviously it was just the flexibility bit that was holding me back). I started fake skipping, because that's the kind of thing boxers do, and as I was doing it realised that there was no real need for skipping ropes whatsoever, you can just do the same actions using your arms.

So I've invented the Skipping No-Rope. No tripping, no stopping and no injuries, the Skipping No-Rope can be easily transported everywhere and it is never not with you. Not only that but it also weighs absolutely nothing, and as long as you have space to jump you get on with No-Skipping. On the train, at a wedding reception even in the bath, but beware of slippery surfaces. This genius invention is available from me, for the generous price of £1.99, you can pay by cash and send it to me directly.

Have fun No-Skipping.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.