Share Crisps

Whenever your down the pub having a cheeky pint, there is nothing better than a crunchy pack of cheese and onion crisps to go with it. The only problem is when you're at the pub with friends, because then, however much you want to just scoff the whole lot down, you are sucked into the annoying, unwritten rule of sharing crisps with whoever is there. Damn English politeness. Anyway, a lot of people actually do like to share crisps in the pub. So below is an idea to make it easier to open them out, instead of biting the packet and choking on tiny bits of plastic.

Imagine the red tabs you get to open biscuits, it is one of those on a crisp packet.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Hover wheel chair

Recently my girlfriend expressed her true blondness, when she thought it would be a great idea to attempt a leap frog over a bollard down Clapham high street. NOT a very clever thing to do when you have 3 inch wedges on and you've just necked a bottle of wine. As she flew through the air, the wind blowing through her hair she had no idea that she was about to snap her tibia and fibula clean through, now sporting a brand new titanium rod with added screws.

This has led to a life of frustration and moving back in with the parents over the last four weeks. "You live and learn" I keep saying to her, but the response is always a kick to the nads with her good leg. Everyday she has to face obstacles such as slippy pavements, stairs and curbs while getting to the pub. So I have pieced together what can only be called the Hoverchair. An invention that will carry any differently abled person through all realms of life. It might need a bit of work on the modeling and building side if there are any takers.

Here are a few more that could work:

1. The Boring

2. The Wheel & Drive

3. The Bat Mobile

4. The Right Trousers

5. The Riser

6. The Royal

7. The Getaway

8. The Monster

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Dial a meal... any meal

Ever seen the M&S adverts? Yeah me too. Didn't the chocolate cake ad make you dive at the screen and start licking it like a possessed dog, maybe that was just me. A lot of other people saw those ads that turn food into sex too, because chocolate cake sales rose 800% the week after, and there were even more people looking like possessed dogs. The annoying thing I find is that while Im licking the static and dust off the television screen, I realise that I am not licking sweet, moist chocolate cake, I am still licking dust and static. I want the food that I see on the TV there and then. I want to be able to pick up the phone and dial that big fat chocolate cake straight to my stomach. That's why someone should hurry up and start www.dialanymeal.com... please :).

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Malteaser FAIL

So we decided to try and raise a Malteaser as high as we could for Comic Relief this year, I have no idea why, but it was definitely an entertaining use of our lunch break.

THE BRIEF: Raise a Malteaser as high as you can.

THE IDEA: Use a coke bottle, strap a Malteasers to it, and add Menthos. Throw in the air and watch it fly to the sky when it hits the ground (in theory).

How it should be done

How it shouldn't be done

Attempt 1: Coke covered FAIL

Attempt 2: Lid to tight FAIL

Attempt 3: Went Minus metres high FAIL

Attempt 4: EPIC DOUBLE WIN (but only went 2 metres up)

The urban ninja saves the day again.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Absinth makes the heart go wander

Absence may make the heart grow fonder but absinthe makes the heart go wander.

Tasty Water

Have you ever played a game of football, and taken an old Robinsons bottle full of water to cool you down when you get knacked after 5 minuets of ambitious sprinting? A Mark from Peep show moment that we have all experienced.

Little rant before the idea: What is pissing me off at the moment is the bad rep water is getting for no apparent reason. Oasis released that weird super duck advert with the slogan "for those that don't like water". Who doesn't like water!! you die after 3 days if you don't drink it, it makes up 80% of your body, it makes up 70% of the world, without it there would be no more life existing on our planet... what's not to like?

I can see Robinsons point though, that sometimes water could be a little more tasty than it is. So I have invented a small alteration to the bottle that will change lives, maybe even save them. It will not only make people enjoy water, but it will also encourage people to re-use their bottles and fill them up with tap water instead of buying a more chlorine tasting crap bottle of Evian from the supermarket, for real money. They are selling for over a quid now. Who thought you could make money off something you can get free from a tap, a tap that is not only in everyones house once but 2 - 5 times, unless your the queen and she probably has a lot more.

Anyway, you know when you take the first sip on a bottle of Robinsons after it has been filled up with water, and you can still taste the sweet crusted on bit that makes the rest of the sip taste like amazing blackcurrantness. Well what if there was a small sweet rim, like the picture shows above, that tasted like this amazing, sweet blackcurrantness all the time. You just buy another one for your bottle when it runs out of flavor and the bottle cap protects it from germs.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Words that don't sound right when said the wrong way round

Congestion Charge for Tourists

I know its London and it's the place that everyone wants to visit so they can meet the queen and see Big Ben, but why do tourists have to walk so god dam slow. Oxford Street is jam packed full of headless chickens and lemming crossings. I know we are all guilty of being one from time to time, but why do tourists get up so early, standing in your way when you’re trying to get to work and speaking so loud and excitedly on the tube.

To help with the congestion and flow of pedestrian traffic, I propose a congestion charge for any tourists out and about at peak time. They can be in Hyde Park in the morning, Buckingham palace is fine, anywhere with big open spaces, they just can't get on the tube or they get an on the spot fine of £3.00 that is shared to the people in the vicinity.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Hair Stencil

So I made a stencil the other night and Im trying to see if I can stencil as many things as possible, so first up... chest hair.

Step 1: Draw round with pen.

Step 2: Trim excessive love rug.

Step 3: Apply hair removal cream or acid as Datch calls it.

Step 4: Wait until it burns.

Step 5: Wash off, it does work lol, but it still itches like crazy.

I'd like to thank everyone that made this possible, the scissors, the hair removal cream and all the follicle team working tirelessly to grow such a luscious love rug, but most of all I would like to thank my lovely girlfriend Gemma who was forced out of bed with a pulled neck muscle to do the stencils. Thank you (cry, cry) Thank you.

Here are some other examples

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

The Bar Urinal

Going for a few bevies down the pub is all great apart from one thing... breaking the seal. I have no idea why, but once you open the flood gates, the toilet will see you coming back for seconds, thirds and forth's all in the first half an hour.

The pub toilet can be a treacherous place, full of uncomfortable silences and unwanted eye contact. But the hardest part is getting there. You could be faced with a number of obstacles. Chairs, sofas, drunk scallies and their crazy girlfriends, stairs is always a tough one and if you make it successfully without wetting your pants, then you always have to make it back again.

Introducing the Bar Urinal. Courtesy of Datch Datchens, the idea for the Bar Urinal places the toilets by the drinks you are consuming. Straight in and then straight back out again, simples.

Some cool urinals I found: 1 2 3 4 5

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.