The Brain Trust: August 2010

Tuesday 17 August 2010

I'm a Professional Macaruperer

Designer is such a broad term. Nowadays you can be a furniture, fashion, urban, landscape, industrial, jewelery, packaging, interior, exterior and web designer to name a few. Who's thinking about the poor souls that sit, staring at their iMac's everyday, slaving hunched over there desks till the early hours of the morning, designing all our fliers, advertising, posters, billboards and other promotional materials. Why are they the ones that are stuck with the job title "designer"? Do you know how hard it is when you meet a girl in a club and she asks "so, what do you do then?" and you can only reply "I'm a designer" and she says "oh so you're a fashion designer", and you say "NO I'm not a fucking fashion designer you ignorant fool, I'm an iMaccy, Photoshoppy, Illustratey with a little bit of InDesign for good measure designer.. OK!!", and surprisingly... you never see or hear from her again.

Fear not ye designer of the advertising world, we have created new, more accepted name for you. When that same question crops up again, from another unsuspecting girl, you tell her "NO.. we are but Macaruperers! Rock!, whoaaa whoaaaa whaoooaoa and however the rest of that Tenacious D song goes.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Friday 13 August 2010

Ironic Names For Venues

If we turn our attention to the traditional wooden beamed pubs of England, now full of semi pissed skin heads, then we can find some interesting names for a venue that only sells one commodity... alcohol, and the occasional packet of nuts. The Queens Head (inspired by Henry VIII), The Queens Bed and Good Queen Beast to name a few of the Queen related ones (more pub names), and we did come up with our own below.

It makes me question why other establishments haven't latched on to ironic names. Personally I'm more inclined to go to a Turkish Kebab shop called "we're not Turkish" or "Big meat on a Massive stick", instead of just the standard Turkish or Istanbul.

Here is our first attempt at an ironic name. If anyone has anymore let me know and i'll add it to the list, which is currently not a list and only consists of one.

Wednesday 11 August 2010

The Homeless Febo

If you have ever ventured into the laid back metropolis Amsterdam then you will know how beautiful it is. The canals, amazing greenery, and the well lit cobbled districts, all in all make up this urban paradise, and apart from the culturally embarrassing stag parties roaming the streets looking for cheap drugs and women, the thing that really makes Amsterdam so much damn better than London is Febo.

If you have never come across a Febo before, then you have been missing out. Inspired by the biggest stoners on the planet, this machine is munchie heaven, dispensing hot food to anyone that may stumble past, day or night.

Now imagine you've just munched through your second Gregs cheese and onion pasty and you bought 4 because it was 4 for £2, and your mate bet you that you couldn't eat them all in one go, but obviously in your own mind you could, but even more obviously to everyone else watching it is physically impossible, and you've scolded your mouth because the cheese in the first one was too hot, and you thought the quicker you eat it the less your brain will realise how full you really are, so you can eat more, and you didn't eat it in time because you were cooling your mouth under a water fountain and while doing so your brain realised just how much pasty you'd eaten, so now you have one left over.

So..... (deep breath) instead of just tossing it in the bin so some homeless guy has to pick through it to find a half eaten pasty, why don't we put it in a Febo? Give all the homeless people keys to it and then they can eat wasted food when they want without loosing any self respect.

p.s. While mocking this image up I wanted to add a sandwich to the Febo machine, and if you look close enough you will see that they have actually made a lasagna sandwich... amazing.

Tuesday 10 August 2010

Westfield or Eastfiled?

As you may or may not know, there is a Westfield shopping centre in Shepards Bush. It's the biggest shopping centre in the whole of Europe with a cost of 1.6 billion squid (that's slang for English pounds), but they couldn't stop there, consumerism is rife within our commodity driven capitalist society and they had to go one better didn't they, so now they are building an even bigger one in the east side massive along with the Olympic stadium.

My quarrel with this apart from the millions of people buying things that they don't really need, (I guess my job as an advertiser makes this first quarrel irrelevant) but my other more pressing quarrel is with the logo and name 'Westfields', it's being built in Stratford!! which is in east London!! so I have taken it upon myself to design them a new logo... Eastfield it shall be.

Monday 9 August 2010

Fold Away Laptop Speakers

So your sat snug in your bed with your steaming hot food that you spent all of ten minutes cooking. You've got your Robinson's cordial to the left of you, carefully balanced against your leg because you don't want to have to keep reaching over to your bedside table every time you want a sip, and to your right, a carefully selected desert, which consists of a half eaten packet of Maryland cookies and a bag of Strawbs. You have just downloaded the new episode of South Park to watch while you eat. As the enjoyably recogniseable "well, I'm going down to south park, going to have myself a time..." theme tune begins, what comes with it is the not so enjoyably recogniseable tinny sound that emits from your rusting laptop speakers, hence the need for these amazing clip on, fold away laptop speakers.

Friday 6 August 2010

The Moon Rover

NASA spend billions upon trillions upon zillions of cash on space exploration every year. They put, probably not trillions, but still billions into creating these technical probey things that analyse the surface of other planets, picking up rocks and sending back rock data (spare a thought for the rock analyst). They have to be perfectly designed for the type of terrains that they may encounter, like mega craters, epic volcanoes and other massive extra terrestrial phenomenons which I've never heard of.

Why have we never looked closer to home for these designs? Manufactures have been developing the perfect space invading probes for the last 62 years. We've all seen how well they can tackle different terrains from the ads, like the one where the Land Rover looks like a hippo:

and how strong they are, like on the ad where it appears as though it's pulling the tug boat that's tugging a massive ship:

It seems as though Land Rovers are ready for some minor adaptions, and soon they will be ready to tackle the roughest terrains space can throw at them just so we know the human race is ready and can survive when/if we ever move planets, plus it'll be a wicked ad campaign for Land Rover.

Thursday 5 August 2010

The BLIND Speed Date

Rather surprisingly to me, there are some people in the world that are shallow, so shallow in fact that they can't look passed how physically attractive a person is... disgraceful I know. Comments such as "nice personality, face like a rottweilers ass", have been banded about in general coffee shop conversation without a second thought.

I think it may be time to bring down the barriers of appearance and extremely good looking people, this is the time for change, a time for a new way of Dating... this is a time for Blind Blind Dates.

Hammock or crushed balls?

It seems like an easy decision to make don't you think? I mean... I love my balls being crushed.

Seriously though, why are bike seats designed to make any male permanently infertile? what is the reasoning behind that little bit of the seat that sticks out like a thorn in your balls, that makes riding a bike (possibly the closest thing to flying without flying may I add, so it is an enjoyable experience) more uncomfortable than asking a fat lady when she's due.

There needs to be a bike revelation and I think I have discovered it as you may have seen by my expertly photoshoped picture above.

I call it The fertility seat.

Wednesday 4 August 2010

Innocent Brown Paper Bag or Not So Innocent Sambuca?

So it's 6 in the morning, you've been out all night loosing at a table tennis tournament drinking free wine, and you wake up not having the foggiest idea where the hell you are. You check for you kidneys, phone and wallet, and once your certain you have them all, get up and stumble off. Suddenly a police car pulls up beside you

"Excuse me young sir"

Luckily you still have your blazer on and look mildly respectable .

"Yes" you reply in a squeaky voice

You look down and realise your still holding the dregs of the Sambuca you we're chugging away 3 hours previous. 'Oh shit' you think to your barely conscious self, or maybe it was your unconscious self, 'he's going to arrest me'

"Do you know where Leadly Street is sonny?"

Your heart lifts out of your stomach.

You slur some murmurings and murmur some slurs and he drives on, apparently you told him something useful.

Why didn't he arrest me you think, you we're holding the Sambuca and everything. Maybe because he works in London and your just a drunk on the street that he really can't be arsed dealing with,

Or a more likely reason is that you were holding your cunningly disguised Sambuca bottle, which had been packaged to make it look like it was just a simple brown paper bag... genius

You wander off, and the 6 o'clock calmness is restored.