Words that don't sound right when said the wrong way round

Congestion Charge for Tourists

I know its London and it's the place that everyone wants to visit so they can meet the queen and see Big Ben, but why do tourists have to walk so god dam slow. Oxford Street is jam packed full of headless chickens and lemming crossings. I know we are all guilty of being one from time to time, but why do tourists get up so early, standing in your way when you’re trying to get to work and speaking so loud and excitedly on the tube.

To help with the congestion and flow of pedestrian traffic, I propose a congestion charge for any tourists out and about at peak time. They can be in Hyde Park in the morning, Buckingham palace is fine, anywhere with big open spaces, they just can't get on the tube or they get an on the spot fine of £3.00 that is shared to the people in the vicinity.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Hair Stencil

So I made a stencil the other night and Im trying to see if I can stencil as many things as possible, so first up... chest hair.

Step 1: Draw round with pen.

Step 2: Trim excessive love rug.

Step 3: Apply hair removal cream or acid as Datch calls it.

Step 4: Wait until it burns.

Step 5: Wash off, it does work lol, but it still itches like crazy.

I'd like to thank everyone that made this possible, the scissors, the hair removal cream and all the follicle team working tirelessly to grow such a luscious love rug, but most of all I would like to thank my lovely girlfriend Gemma who was forced out of bed with a pulled neck muscle to do the stencils. Thank you (cry, cry) Thank you.

Here are some other examples

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

The Bar Urinal

Going for a few bevies down the pub is all great apart from one thing... breaking the seal. I have no idea why, but once you open the flood gates, the toilet will see you coming back for seconds, thirds and forth's all in the first half an hour.

The pub toilet can be a treacherous place, full of uncomfortable silences and unwanted eye contact. But the hardest part is getting there. You could be faced with a number of obstacles. Chairs, sofas, drunk scallies and their crazy girlfriends, stairs is always a tough one and if you make it successfully without wetting your pants, then you always have to make it back again.

Introducing the Bar Urinal. Courtesy of Datch Datchens, the idea for the Bar Urinal places the toilets by the drinks you are consuming. Straight in and then straight back out again, simples.

Some cool urinals I found: 1 2 3 4 5

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Dont smoke when it tells you not to!

Yes Mr French looking man, reading your pink newspaper filled with boring stuff about finance, Im talking to you. When the sign says not to smoke then listen to it. If you choose to ignore the signs then my trusty hose pipe will emerge from the wall, the infrared sight will lock on to your cigarette and proceed to blast you with a million tons of sewer water. See how often you smoke in a no smoking area then Mr French looking man.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

This is an image that we are all well accustomed to over the Christmas period. Snow! But as the weather is the only thing we all love talking about in this country, it made for a great spell of interesting conversation.

Somehow me and some friends managed to get from London to Fort 'far away' William for a little snowboarding trip. After months of worrying how we were going to get there, in the end it was an easy drive (especially when you're not driving). The only problem was, there was no snow to snowboard anymore. (For those of you that don't know, a pretty essential part of snowboarding is actually snow).

Anyway, there is a definite gap in the market for everyone to be there own gritter. Attach a simple mechanism to your car (imagine the gritter below but attached to a car), pick up some salt crystals from your local petrol station, and if all the cars on your street do it, the roads of England will never be icy again.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Get out of my bike lane Car!!!

Yes you! The guy who has just opened his car door into my bike lane! The guy who thinks he's to important to care about cyclists and thinks his car is better than my bike! Well Mr car door, opening man your out of order! Next time you think about opening your car door in my face, think again, you can just climb over your mate, wife, step mum, whoever it may be and open your door into oncoming traffic instead. I hope there's a lorry coming your way, because it would be a lot quicker than the pain you would endure if you open that car door anywhere near me.

Phew... sorry about that. Anyway, below is a solution to all our problems. When you pull the handle on your car door, the light flashes and the cyclist will know that the silly, no looking, Mr car door opening man will be opening his door in 2 seconds time.



Alternatively you could just make your own bike lane

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

You Thinker Too Much

Poor guy, just sat their thinking all day. He's probably having a mental block from thinking to hard, and needs someone to come and take him round HMV, or to an art gallery to get some inspiration for whatever idea he is conjuring up. Maybe he's plotting on how to kill Auguste Rodin for making him a statue that just thinks all day. By the look of his expression I reckon he's trying to work out what he's going to have for tea tonight, good old traditional, easy to cook spag bol, or he could put in a little more effort and make the trip to the shops for bangers and mash with an onion gravy sauce. Anyway, whatever he's thinking about I'm sure it's about time for him to take a break and have a Kit Kat.

Let me know what you think The Thinker is thinking.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Most satisfying toilet cleaning experience ever

Cleaning the toilet has never been a very enjoyable experience unless you're in Trainspotting, but when you wake up from the heroine binge you'll realise that the experience was still not that enjoyable.

Volkswagen's new 'The Fun Theory' campaign has reignited the fun factor in normally mundane chores, and it got me thinking about how to make toilet cleaning more fun than it already is. I was being forced to watch X-factor at the time but secretly enjoying it, and thinking about what a twat Simon Cowell is when I noticed how much his hair-do would be perfectly suited for cleaning toilets. The sticky out bristly bits would be perfect to get the splats off the back and it certainly would instill a bit of fun in my toilet cleaning antics.

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.

Pregway

I came across this picture on the internet while searching for BlackBerry Curve handsets on Google images. Unless this woman is also on her BlackBerry then I think Google may need to spend some time refining it's search engine. Anyway, I saw a natural gap in the market for the revolutionary 'Pregway'.

No walking anymore for all you lazy bastards out there because the Pregway not only walks you but it walks your baby to, you could even tie your dog lead on the side and then your dog will be thoroughly walked all leading to a better and more lazy future for mankind. For all of you that are like me and can't stand segways then have a look at these segway bloopers... LOL!

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If anyone else has any great, medium or crap ideas then send them to reuben_leon@hotmail.co.uk and Ill whack them up.